Reflections.

She makes his coffee, she makes his bed 

She does the laundry, she keeps him fed  

When she was twenty-one she wore her mother's lace  

She said "forever" with a smile upon her face

Lord, I remember dancing around to this song in barefeet when I was little. Dancing around thinking how hopeful the girl in the song was. How happy she must be to be married and loved and be starting a family. I wanted that. Never thought I'd live most of it. I got married at 21. Stupidly, and thoughtlessly. But I thought I was in love. Even though I wasn't always happy and it was constant work and we had nothing in common, I still thought it was love because we both said it. 

She packs his suitcase, she sits and waits
With no expression upon her face
When she was thirty-six she met him at their door
She said I'm sorry, I don't love you anymore

I wasn't 36 when I left him, but our relationship lasted a little over 36 months from start to finish. Which I find ironic. And I was the one that left because I wasn't happy and knew that I never would be with him. I was honest and was tired of trying to beat a dead horse to get up and run. I was dead inside when I left him and never thought I would feel that sort of love again. And I was right. I never have, to this day.

I have something better. I have REAL love. What I felt back then... that wasn't real love.. It's hard to describe, really. I thought it was love... But I never thought about him unless he was around or I was doing something I wasn't supposed to be doing (friends he didn't approve of and such) and was wondering if he was going to find out. I never thought of him other than that... at all. Never wondered what he was doing, or missed him when he was gone. I knew I never wanted a family with him... Yet, I convinced myself that I was in love.

What I feel now.. There are no words to describe it. I think about him constantly (even after knowing him 5 years and being with him for almost 3)... and in the good way. I look forward to him being home and being around him. I love listening to him talk, even when I don't have a CLUE what he's saying. I love that we have a beautiful, happy little girl together.. I even want more babies :) I love being able to ask him for something without hearing "we don't need it" or "but I want this"... I love that we compromise and agree on most things. I can't describe the love I have now, but it so far surpasses what I thought I had back then that there is no comparison. 

Show a little passion, baby, show a little style
And show the knack for knowing when and the gift for knowing how
And have a little trust in us when fear obscures the path
You know we got this far, darling, not by luck, but by never turning back
Some will call on destiny, but I just call on faith
That the world won't stop, and actions speak louder
Listen to your heart, to what your heart might say
Everything we got, we got the hard way