I'm going to write this here because I haven't gotten my journal updated enough yet to just write it there... Nathaniel and Rick had a boys night last night.... Nathaniel has really been good to me and it was the only way i could think of to be able to repay him. So I told him to get Rick and go golfing yesterday while I was at work. Lol he even texted me while he was golfing (which is apparently something he NEVER does since golf is his little area of relaxation). Then they cleaned air filters on the trucks and just hung out.
I got home around 430 or so from work and started on supper.. Meatloaf with potatos, corn and rolls. It started out with me, Nathaniel and Rick. Then Jason and BRae showed up so we had a "family" dinner (no leftovers, YAY!!!) Everyone enjoyed it and they were all drinking. Monica and Jason showed up a little later when we were all out around the bonfire. I really had fun. Me and Monica were both sober since we're pregnant. No one even got completely wasted, just buzzed. Which is okay with me. But it was great... I don't think i stopped laughing most of the night. I loved it. That's the stuff I want to remember.
Around 10 or so, everyone decided to go check out some party in CottonWood... they had a "band" playing that Monica and them wanted to see. I went because Nathaniel wanted to go and I didn't want him to drive. I didn't mind. (We had a big fight about the drinking/driving stuff not too long ago, and he hasn't done it since.) So we get there... The "Band" is one guy with a guitar and a not-quite off-key voice. He was butchering Last Dance with Mary Jane by Tom Petty when we pulled up. It was a bunch of much older people drinking.. there were a few younger people, but no one I knew.
***Okay, my boobs have gone from nice, full B's to humongous DD's since I've been pregnant. I know that they are there and I'm told constantly how wonderful they are. Nathaniel, BRae and Monica were all commenting on them last night because I was wearing a tank top... I was covered, but with DD's glued to your chest, there is no HIDING them. And to top that off, my bra is a size too small so they produce alot of cleavage. Most people are just polite enough to atleast attempt to keep their eyes up. But i've gotten used to the glances from most people, and it doesn't make me as uncomfortable as it did in the beginning***
We ran into a couple of people from church. Old Mr. Dan was one of them. Usually he doesn't make me uncomfortable. He shook Nathaniel's hand and asked how it was going, which is normal. He'd been drinking, and the lady he was dancing with was not his wife... That didn't bother me. What bothered me was that i gave him a hug (I always hug Mr. Dan. Ever since I joined that church, he's always asked for a hug.) then he got about 4 inches from my boobs and kept asking how everything was going. Repeatedly. For about 5 minutes. It's been a long time since i've felt so utterly disgusted. If I was in public, or working, I could have laughed it off as "that old pervert" and shook it off. But this is a man that I go to church with. And Nathaniel didn't seem to notice what had happened. I know I'm probably blowing it out of proportion and most of it is backlash from Dustin and the old uncomfortable feeling of older men, but part of it is just me. I just got kind of quiet and stayed by myself the rest of the night.
I don't even want to go to church this morning because of it. I won't be comfortable until I can forget how he made me feel last night. I know Mr. Dan was drunk, but that doesn't make how he made me feel any better. I had finally gotten to where I almost liked my body and was comfortable with the weight that I've *had* to gain due to pregnancy, and I feel like that all got stripped from me last night. In just a few stupid, inconsiderate, drunken moments. I still don't know why older men have always made me so skittish and scared feeling. I just know that they DO. I usually enjoy church. But I don't even want to go today. And I can't tell Nathaniel why because I can't explain why i feel how i do...
Oh well.
Shit happens I guess.
Guess I have to make the best of it anyway.
